A quarter century old

I'll turn 25 in four days. That is quarter of a century on this planet. Its kind of scary. I feel I haven't accomplished anything yet.
Yes there is a long way ahead, but 25 is a big number. Per mom, had I been married "on time", I would have kids by now.
That is another scary thing about growing up. Marriage. I never have had a relationship. Arrange marriages were fine until some years back for me too. But not now.
I wish I could meet someone who will understand me, my nonsense talks, my almost daily mood swings, my stubbornness. The usual stuff. What every girl wants. (Yea, i am not a "girl" per se, but I won't be acting my age anytime soon!)
In return, he is gonna have me loving him! Isn't that more than enough for anyone! Lol.
I live in Lala-Land. And intend to stay there longer. Get me my knight in shining armour. I will act all vulnerable. Damsel-in-distress if you may. Let him woo me with his sonorous voice and I promise won't torture him with my singing. All I will do is talk. And listen to him talk. And sit besides him, forgetting all the trouble in the world.
We all want to live our fairy tales.
Someone told me your choice of fairy tale princess tells something about you. Cinderalla. Yes, i AM looking for escape. To a place, to belong to someone who will pamper me. I have been the one taking care of others for a while. I wish to be at the receiving end for a change.
I am already turning senile. What's in a number you say? What is not in a number! 25 is terrifying!

Its like the sunset already.

Shall I?

I am out of breathe thinking about you
high on emotions
why cant i just get over you
drown myself, shall i?

keep thinking about you, day and night
why cant i just be lost in the darkness of my heart
hurt myself, shall i?

em trying to leave those memories behind
why cant i stop seeing ur face in everything around
blind myself, shall i?

i cry and cry till there are tears no more
and still u stare back at me
smiling and happy in the arms of some one else
i cant take it anymore
kill myself, shall i?

I try

I am trying to make sense
From the chaos that reigns around
I am trying to be lost
More lost than already em
'Float with time, go along with the flow'
Someone advices me
Oh teach me how do i do that!
Teach me back to smile.

All round me people seem to be busy
All walk with purpose in their stride
Let me have my aim back
To try to make you see my love
Let me be purposeful and busy

I may not be the best choice
I may not be good enough
Let me change for you
Let me strive to make you know i could do anything for you

Misery

the words you wrote to me last
still linger on my lips
i repeat them again and again
to relive the time we spend together

i thought i have forgotten you
but know its a lie
can't make myself believe in it
make my heart understand

you have gone away
far away from me
i survive on your memories
revisiting you in my dreams

my heart bleeds, my eyes cry
tears rolling down my cheek
i pray for this misery to end
let me pass into oblivion

A lot many firsts

This weekend has been kind of a dream. I am dazed. Was it for real?